Relationships VS ADHD: What Happens And What's The Solution?

By the mere full form of ADHD, it is easy to derive what sorts of symptoms and issues come along with having the disease. ‘Attention Deficit’ refers to the lack of attention the person may be prone to in various situations. ‘Hyperactivity’ refers to being overly jumpy and impulsive.

Unfortunately, a lot more issues come along with the disorder. A lot of it depends on the type of ADHD one might have, and symptoms vary from person to person. This is why if you know two or more people with ADHD, you may wonder why one struggles to pay attention, why another is swift in paying needless attention to small details, and why the third shifts from both those tendencies depending on the situation.

ADHD certainly has one thing in common with many other mental disorders- unless you have the disease, understanding what it’s like to live with its effects can be quite demanding and difficult. Being close to somebody who has ADHD can affect you in unique ways too.

ADHD, Also Known As A Roadblock In Relationships

Imagine a three-way junction.

In order to be a functional and practical path for any vehicle, every driver has to cooperate with speed limits, road laws, and traffic signals. When this doesn’t happen, a multitude of problems can occur at the junction.

Now, imagine one of the roads suddenly curving from its straight path at random moments.

There is no rhyme or reason to the curvature, it simply happens at irregular times, and more often than not, it causes large-scale collisions while cars are emerging from the other two sides.

Though it seems like a convoluted anecdote, it sums up the procedure required to maintain a relationship aptly.

Already, there are a lot of conditions that need to be fulfilled for a relationship to be successful. Communication, genuine interest, commitment, mutual efforts, and a lack of impedance from the parts of life nobody can control.

Even two people who are stable in all aspects of life can’t fulfill these conditions if we talk about relationships in practice.

ADHD is another challenge to face, though it is very different from maintaining relationships. For instance, it is a mental disorder that you can’t end with a few words or actions. It’s much more of a personal challenge rather than a dual one.

There is one thing these two things have in common, though.

Both ADHD and relationships are frustrating to experience.

When you put the two together, you are a stone’s throw away from an emotional hurricane heading toward you.

You can survive a hurricane, but the aftermath will still surround you. How to deal with the aftermath is up to you. You can either clean it up and start over, leave it to move on to new ventures, or try to work with whatever has remained intact. Based on these three approaches, a relationship involving ADHD usually brings turbulence and requires a lot of understanding from both parties to work with the aftermath.

ADHD can cause relationships to wither like flowers. There is no long-term positive effect the disease can have. In the above anecdote, the sudden curvature of the road symbolizes ADHD’s sudden and uncontrollable impact on the relationship.

Now, this doesn’t mean that all hope is lost and people with ADHD cannot have fulfilling and happy relationships with people. Even in tough times, we all rely on our loved ones and face difficult circumstances together, and even people with ADHD deserve to be able to do so.

What Is The General Chain of Events For A Relationship Involving ADHD?

In the beginning, it’s perfect. The person with ADHD has found an explosive interest in the person without ADHD, and due to the hyper-focus that comes with ADHD and novel experiences, both people only grow closer and witness the best of each other.

After a while, though, it seems like the ADHD-afflicted partner has taken a sharp u-turn and doesn’t seem to pay much attention to what their partner is saying. A severance is formed in the two-way path of communication, causing misunderstandings and conflict. Once these misunderstandings get resolved to a limited extent, the person without ADHD seems like a control freak who has taken the majority of the shared responsibilities into their own hands and micromanages their partner out of the feeling of being overwhelmed.

Throughout this chain, ADHD causes a gradual change and collisions between partners, and if it strains the relationship for too long, the relationship ends badly and hurts everyone involved.

Although we’re primarily talking about romantic relationships and the like, the same process can go for other relationships too. Friendships could be fractured. Intolerance of family members could sever familial ties as well. Usually, the person who ends up the most damaged is the person with ADHD due to their irritable symptoms.

Some Ways ADHD Affects Relationships

1. Due to the temporary nature of hyper-fixation, the relationship can take a sharp turn as the ADHD-afflicted partner’s attention shifts from their partner to other things. This can create a disconnect and become a point of contention between partners. It could be quite jarring and worrisome for a partner without ADHD.
   

2. When the person without ADHD has to take up more responsibility to compensate for their partner’s irregularity, stress and resentment could accumulate over an extended time period against their partner. It is practically a ticking time bomb that puts a lot of weight on the relationship.
   

3. The depths to which the miscommunication can go with ADHD in the picture is quite destructive to both partners. Inattentiveness is misconstrued as disinterest, forgetfulness is misconstrued as apathy, and so on.
   

It is mainly the symptoms of ADHD that cause misinterpretation, fights, stress, and much more in a relationship.

Overcoming Relationship Problems Caused By ADHD

Ideally, if ADHD is diagnosed and both partners are fully willing to cooperate, then the outcome could be different.

First off, taking steps to get a hold of ADHD symptoms is an excellent step in the right direction for every aspect of the afflicted person’s life. Even the relationship is impacted positively when the symptoms aren’t as influential or visible.

Using medication is a short-term way to improve stability, but in order to maintain a long-term relationship with anybody, a lot of awareness and effort is required to truly grasp any coordination between the people in the relationship.

Therapy like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, couples’ counseling, organizational apps, and acquiring knowledge on ADHD are some of the main ways to combat conflicts that may arise in relationships affected by ADHD.

Thankfully, love between human beings tends to trump even the largest of obstacles, and with accessible help and collective efforts, people with ADHD can also commit to loving and trusting other people who truly care for them.

If you know somebody with ADHD and wish to grow closer with them, just let them know you’re there for them, because that could mean much more to them than you could imagine.

Source: Additude Mag

Written by Maleeha Asif Damda